Memorial Day 2023 will be dawning soon and American hearts and minds will be turning once again to those millions of brave men and women to whom we’ve had to say goodbye. We’ll think about those who had to say goodbye to the future they planned before their bodies were wounded and broken. Saying goodbye is hard, but it’s important, and there are lessons woven into the process that are worth contemplating as we seek to honor those who gave so much. For me, learning some of the lessons in saying goodbye began years ago near a little town in rural Alaska. 

A Final Farewell ~
Celebrating Memorial Day couldn’t have been farther from my mind as I stood on a gravel runway preparing to leave Alaska years ago, but it comes to mind now as I remember that day. I was surrounded by people with whom my wife and I had lived, worked, and served the Lord for several years. It was a bittersweet moment, to say the least. Soon we’d be thousands of miles apart and since outside communication in that region back then was expensive and unpredictable, further contact would be a hit-or-miss kind of thing at best. All of us knew that once I climbed aboard the little bush plane and the pilot closed the door, it would very likely be the last time we would see one another in this life. 

It was an emotionally and spiritually challenging time, and I was trying to lighten the moment by talking about keeping in touch and maybe getting to come back again someday. In the midst of all that, something one of my native friends said came flooding into my mind. In another gathering, he had caught my eye, looked at me intently, and said, “One of the problems you ‘lower 48’ people have is that you don’t know how to say ‘Goodbye.’ You always seem determined to call it something else. You try to mask the hurt inside by telling lies to each other. You substitute ‘goodbye’ with things like, ‘So long for now,’ or ‘See ya later,’ or ‘Catch you on the rebound,’ or quoting Sylvester Stallone’s famous line from the Terminator movie, ‘I’ll be back …’ ”

An Uncomfortable Realization ~
Recalling my friend’s comment was unexpected and instantly sobering. I didn’t want him to be right, but I knew that he was. The departure that day was definitely not going to be a “See you later” event, but saying “goodbye” out loud brought a disturbing sense of finality with it. Goodbyes are painful, and that isn’t a new thing. Luke affirms that in his account of a “goodbye event” involving the Apostle Paul: 

And when he [Paul] had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. Then they all wept freely, and fell on Paul’s neck and kissed him, sorrowing most of all for the words which he spoke, that they would see his face no more. And they accompanied him to the ship. (Acts 20:36–38 NKJV)

In spite of the grief that often accompanies it, there seems to be something spiritually rich in confronting a painful goodbye head-on. The word seems almost insignificant on the surface, but accepting a final goodbye for what it really means changes things. Goodbye draws a line of demarcation between the past and the future and changes the perspective on both. That change in perspective and focus was apparent even in my departure from that village years ago.

Changing Perspectives ~
Openly recognizing that our goodbyes were likely to be permanent affected the focus of our interaction with each other. Instead of indulging in feel-good fantasies about staying in touch and getting back together again, we began to look over our shoulder and consider what our relationship had meant to each other. Our thoughts went toward the work we had accomplished and the ways God had revealed Himself through each of us. The tears of sadness began to be mingled with joy as we reviewed the battles we fought, the victories we shared, and the fruit that would remain. It was the kind of shift in perspective illustrated by the widows Peter encountered in Joppa. Their friend was gone, but they found comfort in celebrating the things she had left behind:   

Then Peter arose and went with them. When he had come, they brought him to the upper room. And all the widows stood by him weeping, showing the tunics and garments which Dorcas had made while she was with them. (Acts 9:39 NKJV)

 When people are taken away from us and we’re forced to look at the relationship in past tense, it has positive potential. As painful as it is, a final goodbye invites us to explore more carefully and embrace more fully all those things that can’t be taken away. It can also unveil one of love’s most miraculous qualities. A final goodbye can allow us to discover that love isn’t shackled to our sensory apparatus. Though we can no longer touch or see them, the love continues. We can go on loving them without hesitation, without reservation, and without limitation. God described the kind of “goodbye proof” quality of the love He ordains like this:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? (Romans 8:35 NKJV)

No Shock to God ~
Final departures force us to close some doors, but they open others. We have to see our future then in a new context. Regardless of how wonderful the yesterdays we shared may have been, our tomorrows won’t include them. The obstacles may seem insurmountable, but God is neither shocked nor disabled because of the change. His will for our lives was never dependent on any single relationship other than the one we have with His Son. All of our relationships have a molding and shaping effect on us to some degree, but God has always been the ultimate sculptor, and He will continue to be. 

Final goodbyes are often unwelcome and forced on us by circumstances we can’t control, but there are times when we need to purposely insert one. Not surprisingly, our fallen, rebellious nature leads us toward sabotaging God’s intent in both directions. We tend to insert goodbyes where they don’t belong and refuse to apply them in situations where they’re needed. For instance, toxic lifestyles, forbidden relationships, and destructive compulsions are allowed to hang on and systematically torture us because we refuse to say goodbye to them. 

More Goodbyes Are Needed ~
Refusing to part company with many of the narcissistic attitudes, sinful proclivities, and repulsive practices permeating today’s godless culture has had a corrupting and debilitating effect on the overall influence of Christianity in America. Many see the collective church to be little more than a divided, sectarian mess, a relic of bygone days with no unified voice, no consistent moral authority, and no power to effect change. Paul said it’s time to insert some strategic goodbyes to those promoters of spiritually toxic ideas:  

Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. (2 Corinthians 6:17 NKJV)

So, as we prepare to honor those who sacrificed so much to defend and protect us, and as we remember all those painful goodbyes that we’ve had to endure, there’s one more we need to add. Paul alludes to it like this:  

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. (Galatians 2:20 NKJV)

All of us who confessed our sins and surrendered our lives to Jesus were experiencing a goodbye event. God drew a line of demarcation and declared that the “old man” (or woman) we used to be died with Jesus on that cross, and a new version of us was born. 

Here’s a suggestion . . . As we celebrate Memorial Day and acknowledge the goodbyes that both our nation and we as individuals have had to endure, how about saying goodbye once again to the person we used to be and to the sins Jesus died to free us from? And then remind ourselves again that God always intended that separation to be a permanent one.

   Happy Memorial Day 2023   

“TWEETABLES” ~ Click to tweet and share from the pull quotes below.  Each one links directly back to this article through Twitter.

• • “A final goodbye can allow us to discover that love isn’t shackled to our sensory apparatus. Though we can no longer touch or see them, the love continues. We can go on loving them without hesitation, without reservation, and without limitation.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)  
  • “Regardless of how wonderful the yesterdays we shared may have been, our tomorrows won’t include them. All of our relationships have a molding and shaping effect on us to some degree, but God has always been the ultimate sculptor, and He will continue to be.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet) j
  • Final goodbyes are often unwelcome, but there are times we need to insert one purposely. Toxic lifestyles, forbidden relationships, and destructive compulsions are allowed to hang on and systematically torture us because we refuse to say goodbye.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)  
  • “Refusing to part company with many of the narcissistic attitudes, sinful proclivities, and repulsive practices permeating today’s godless culture has had a corrupting and debilitating effect on the overall influence of Christianity in America.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet) 
  • “Many see the collective church to be little more than a divided, sectarian mess, a relic of bygone days w/no unified voice, consistent moral authority or power to effect change. Paul said it’s time to insert some goodbyes to promoters of spiritually toxic ideas.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)   

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