Our church is currently conducting a study series focused on the concept of intentionality; i.e., living our lives with a clear sense of spiritual direction and purpose, as opposed to just drifting along with the cultural current. Last week the focus was on ‘friendship’ and the role it plays in our lives – and the provocative topic brought to mind a very special pastor I knew many years ago who had a rather unique practice that he consistently included in his social engagements. Though I didn’t consider it as a device laden with potentially powerful spiritual impact back then, I’ve come to see it differently.

Making Connections ~
It worked like this . . . Imagine Pastor Dick chatting with me in the church foyer between services. In the midst of the conversation, another guy happens to catch his eye and for this illustration, we’ll call him, “Jake”. Pastor Dick would pause for a moment, nod his head in Jake’s direction, and say something like, “Hey, Ron, there’s Jake. Do you two know each other?” If I said I hadn’t met Jake or had only exchanged a church greeting or two with him, Pastor Dick would follow up with a comment like, “Jake’s a great guy, and you two should really get to know one another.” Then he’d call Jake over and deftly transition the context from a three-way discussion to a two-way conversation between Jake and me – and by the time we left, a foundation had been laid on which a new friendship could be built. 

What captivates my attention about all that at this point is just how powerful and important the whole concept of friendship is to the One who created us to be ‘like’ Him. One of the salient characteristics of the Living God we serve is that He is an inveterate connector. Before He ever breathed life into Adam, there was an interconnected and interdependent universe waiting for him. And soon afterward, God decided that in this new world where everything was “good,” He declared that, for Adam to be alone, was “not good” – and our Divine Connecter went back to work.

A Force to Be Considered ~
He designed ways for His special image bearers to be joined together in ways that would both multiply the blessings built into them and free them from the soul-darkening influence of being alone. Families were born and connections established with names like husband, wife, son, daughter, brother, sister, and so on. In most cases, these basic, family-oriented relationships are the most powerful connections and greatest influences we experience in our lives. But there’s another one that can be just as powerful and God called those relationships “friends”. The influence of friends in our lives can be as strong as family, and in some cases, even stronger. For that reason, our friendships deserve our attention, and should be managed with great care.

Our management of friendships should begin with the acknowledgment that this relationship was designed by the same One who created families and all the interconnected relationships that result from them. And given God’s penchant for bringing people together, it shouldn’t surprise us that just as He includes Himself in the family structure by calling Himself “Father,” the Scriptures also reveal that He assumes the role of “friend” as well:

So the Lord spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend. (Exodus 33:11 NKJV)

And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” And he was called the friend of God. (James 2:23 NKJV)

And when God took on human flesh and became one of us, Jesus brought that friendship role to life as well.

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. (John 15:12–15 NKJV)

Another Kind of Family ~
It’s often been said that friends are the family we get to choose. And just as our biological family brings with it an incredible potential to mold and shape us, so do the friendships we develop. Both can lead us in directions that are either beneficial or that encourage us toward harmful choices. And because friends and friendship can exert such powerful influence, God gave them special attention. Solomon, who had much to say about friends and friendship, issued this warning to us about choosing our friends:

The righteous should choose his friends carefully,
For the way of the wicked leads them astray. (Proverbs 12:26 NKJV)

The point we’d like to emphasize in this particular discussion is highlighted in Solomon’s admonition, but most of our translations don’t give it the clarity it deserves. The term translated as carefully in the passage is used in numerous other instances to describe a process of careful, meticulous planning. It was used in reference to God’s guidance of Israel after leaving Egypt (Deuteronomy 1:33) and the Israelite spies exploring the land in preparation for crossing the Jordan (Numbers 13:2). What Solomon is saying here is that before forming friendships, or perhaps before continuing ones we already have, we should view them as vehicles capable of transporting us from where we are – to places we might not go otherwise. Because friendships can exert a potentially powerful influence in our decision making process, we should carefully consider where those relationships might be taking us and to be intentional in how we choose them, how we manage them, and how we perform within them. 

Unintended Directions ~
For instance, I took my first drink of alcohol, smoked my first cigarette, and used repulsive language because friends did those things and encouraged me to join them. I’m not trying to shift the blame or make excuses, but some of the deepest regrets of my life are a direct result of my choice of friends. They took me to places physically, morally, emotionally, and spiritually where I never thought I would go and never really wanted to go. But there’s another side to that story as well that we must not miss. 

Eventually, I made other friendships, and they were instrumental in leading me to make the best choices I ever made. Those friends had an impact on my life that changed my present circumstances and my eternal destiny. There was a day when someone I hadn’t previously known decided to be my friend. I soon learned that my new friend had another friend named Jesus – and along the lines of Pastor Dick’s approach, he thought the two of us should get to know each other . . .

GPS Needed ~
Friendships play a vital role in human relationships, and at least two things are clear. To one degree or another, friends are a part of virtually everyone’s life, and they can influence how we think, how we act, where we go, and what we believe. In other words, they’re vehicles that can not only transport us from where we are to somewhere else, but they can also transform us from who we were into someone else. 

God’s intentional approach to the role of friendship suggests some important questions that we should ask ourselves:

• • • Who occupies the role of “friend” in our lives – and why did we choose them?
    • Are those relationships moving us and encouraging us in directions God would want us to go?
    • How should I respond if friends are urging me to move in directions God would not approve of?
    • How am I functioning in my role as a friend to someone else? Where am I leading him or her?
    • In addition to being my Savior, is Jesus also my friend? And if He is, how am I handling my role as His friend?

For the moment, we’ll leave it there and plan to continue exploring some of the lessons in upcoming sessions that God has for us in this fascinating and incredibly powerful relationship He’s given us, but for today, let’s focus on praising God for granting us the privilege to have and be friends and to create a “family” that we get to actually choose. Maybe we could even engage in planting some of those “friendship” seeds of our own and find that both we and they are all the richer for it . . .

“TWEETABLES” ~ Click to tweet and share from the quotes below.  Each one links directly back to this article through Twitter . . .

• • • Just as our biological family brings with it an incredible potential to mold and shape us, so do the friendships we develop. Both can lead us in directions that are either beneficial or that encourage us toward harmful choices. @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)  
    • What Solomon is saying in Prov 12:26  is that before forming friendships, or perhaps before continuing ones we already have, we should view them as vehicles capable of transporting us from where we are – to places we might not go otherwise. @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet) 
    • Because friendships can exert a potentially powerful influence in our decision making process, we should carefully consider where those relationships might be taking us and be intentional in how we choose them, manage them, and perform within them. @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)
    • Friends are a part of virtually everyone’s life. They can influence how we think and act, where we go, what we believe. They can not only transport us from where we are to somewhere else, but also transform us from who we were into someone else. @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)

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