Sometimes a simple facial expression can be like applying a giant, luminescent highlighter to a simple comment. I saw that illustrated by one of our grandchildren one Halloween evening years ago. For some reason, the start of his own Halloween trick-or-treating adventure was slightly delayed that year, giving him a chance to help answer the door and hand out candy to a few other kids before leaving. After watching some of them rudely grabbing the goodies from the bowl before it could even be offered to them, his little four-year-old face expressed something between shocked disbelief and profound incredulity as he looked up and said, “They didn’t even say thank you!” Not wanting to make his painful introduction to a growing cultural phenomenon worse, I didn’t tell the little guy that he might as well get used to it, because the attitude he witnessed that night was becoming a salient characteristic of the world in which he would be growing up.
An Earlier Example ~
Perhaps a similar sense of shocked incredulity moved the Prophet Isaiah to lament about the absence of another basic element of social stability. In his case, it was the demise of truth and the consequent disappearance of real justice in the land. He said,
Justice is turned back, And righteousness stands afar off; For truth is fallen in the street, And equity cannot enter. So truth fails, and …it displeased Him that there was no justice. (Isaiah 59:14-15 NKJV)
Foundational concepts in a culture do not die alone. Like pushing over dominoes, the failure of one affects others that are dependent upon it. Isaiah’s point is irrefutable. If truth is
restrained, then there is no possibility of justice prevailing, truth being the foundation upon which justice rests. Without truth, right and wrong cannot be determined, and clear judgment is replaced by random, reactionary, and often impulsive conclusions. In the absence of truth, those whom justice once protected are left as defenseless prey in a world where anarchy reigns and “might makes right.”
Another Cause-Effect Process ~
The selfishness and lack of gratitude that shocked our grandson that Halloween night illustrates the same cause-effect process that Isaiah applied to the demise of truth and the elimination of justice. On a national scale, we have been witnessing a marked decline in spontaneous expressions of genuine thankfulness and in its place, an increase in an attitude that psychologists define as “narcissism;” i.e., an inordinate focus on, and love for . . . self. The systematic demise of gratitude had been preceded by the disappearance of the foundation upon which it rests. If we could respectfully borrow Isaiah’s language, the situation could be expressed like this:
[Empathy] is turned back, And [gratitude] stands afar off; For [selfless expression of God’s love] is fallen in the street, and [empathy] cannot enter. So [gratitude] fails…
The behavioral symptoms of narcissism increase in direct proportion to the restriction of valid 
information about God and a lack of personal exposure to visible demonstrations of His love. When those things are systematically banned from the public square, expelled from the vast majority of academic institutions, and missing from most popular sources of entertainment and information, varying degrees of narcissism are all that’s left, and the salient characteristic of narcissism is a lack of genuine gratitude.
Effects of Narcissism ~
While Psychology Today is not known for providing supportive material for articles promoting Biblical principles, their comments about narcissism and its effects are worth repeating:
“A world full of narcissists would be a sad world indeed. We humans are, by nature, social animals; we absolutely depend upon one another’s goodwill and care. Narcissism is bad not just for society as a whole, but also for the individual narcissist. People high on this trait are often unhappy, angry at the world because of the world’s failure to recognize their superiority. They are generally incapable of forming the kinds of deep, meaningful, lasting relationships with others that we all need in order to live happy, emotionally secure lives.”
More and more, this “sad world” about which they expressed such concern is becoming a description of America. The article mentioned above went on to refer to a 30-year-long study exploring the issue of narcissism, and reported:
“…the data together reveal that the average narcissism score has been steadily increasing and the average empathy score has been steadily decreasing.”
Time to Push Back ~
The question is not whether narcissism is a prevailing characteristic of the popular culture today. The question is what do we do about it? Maybe this Thanksgiving season, with its special focus on highlighting things we’re thankful for, would be a good time to push back against the prevailing narcissism and begin to resurrect gratitude.
What if we made an effort to inject some fresh, life-giving, creative energy into our expressions of gratitude? Thanksgiving is, after all, interwoven with love in many ways, not
the least of which is that if it can’t be defined by and observed in our behavior, then it probably doesn’t really exist at all. What if we made a practice of countering the “It’s all about me” attitude by developing ways to say “Thank you” without just mouthing the words? Here are just a few suggestions we could start with . . .
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- Gratitude in action can begin as simply as really listening to what others have to say, rather than just waiting for an opening to express our opinion.
- Practice looking for ways to contribute to someone else’s life instead of contemplating ways they can benefit us.
- Gratitude is more powerful when specific details are included and expressed in encouraging and personally uplifting ways. Rather than a general “thank you,” look for ways to say, “I noticed what you did, and it was an unexpected blessing.”
- And, when appropriate, we might offer a small token to symbolize our gratitude and acknowledge the specific way in which someone’s words or actions have been helpful.
Identifying narcissism is easy, but psychologists have little success in treating it. That’s because it’s not primarily a mental health issue. It’s a spiritual “heart” issue. As we plan our holiday celebrations this year, let’s join together to offer a narcissistic nation something better, by making God’s great love visible, our gratitude observable — and our hope in Him invincible.
This Thanksgiving, may you and yours experience a heart of true gratefulness directed to the One who makes all our blessings possible . . . each day, every day.
~ H A P P Y T H A N K S G I V I N G 2 0 2 3 ~
“TWEETABLES” ~ Click to Tweet & Share from the pull quotes below. Each quote links directly back to this article through Twitter.
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- “In the absence of truth, those whom justice once protected are left as defenseless prey in a world where anarchy reigns and “might makes right.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)
- “The behavioral symptoms of narcissism increase in direct proportion to the restriction of valid information about God and a lack of personal exposure to visible demonstrations of His love.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)
- “(Narcissists) are generally incapable of forming the kinds of deep, meaningful, and lasting relationships with others that we all need in order to live happy, emotionally secure lives.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)
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© 2023 Gallagher’s Pen, Ronald L. Gallagher, Ed.S. All rights reserved.
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Gallagher's Pen ~ 
What a great article, Ron. I loved, “Foundational concepts in a culture do not die alone. Like pushing over dominoes, the failure of one affects others that are dependent upon it,” as well as, “…truth being the foundation upon which justice rests.” Such thought provoking concepts.
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Thank you so much for the encouraging response. I wish you could know how much God uses comments like this to reinforce the awareness that He didn’t send us to carry out this mission alone. My prayer is that He will bless you in special ways for taking the time to share your thoughts.
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Wonderful thoughts, as always sir. The death of our nation so resembles the idea of “Death by a Thousand Cuts” perfected in China centuries ago. One or two slices can be survived. Over time, enough are inflicted that the dripping becomes a flow, the flow becomes a river, and the river becomes a flood. All the while, life is draining out of you. With each slice, there’s a small amount of pain. As the slices continue to be administered, the pain lessens with each subsequent one. Oh, the pain is there, but our minds become numb to it as our nervous system reaches its capacity for pain. Near the end, pain is no longer felt. When a person nears death, and I’ve observed this personally, the pain often stops, pain ceases as it no longer has a purpose, it’s become too late to matter. I too fear the nation and the world is nearing that precipice. Sadly, I’ve seen it progress from society to penetrate/impact families. Then it began to infiltrate the church family. Satan’s Four D’s (Disappointment, Discouragement, Doubt, and Division) have been allowed to dwell in our hearts and minds for too long. When they do, they decay and rot our values and moral standards until we abandon them altogether because “this world” tells us how bad they smell.
Narcissism, and its exponential rise, is not a relatively new thing. I think my first introduction was in school in the 1960s and early 1970s. We were taught by our coaches and teachers that “only the best are rewarded”. This isn’t to say that everyone should get a participation trophy, but that everyone should compete together. We had to strive to be the best. While that in itself is not a bad thing, as I learned not only how to win, but more often lose, with my dignity and worth intact. Later, I learned the importance of helping others because sometimes winning wasn’t an individual achievement but a team effort. See the church correlations here?
Narcissism was further ingrained into my subconscious during Army basic training. As acting Platoon Leader, I felt my job was to help everyone finish the march. So, when a couple in my platoon fell off the pace, I went back and helped carry their load and encourage them onto the finish. Sadly, we didn’t finish in the prescribed time. Since I fell back to help those struggling, I was forced to do the long march over again with them. With an even heavier pack this time. My lesson then? I left them behind and finished the march by myself, sitting a new company record in the process. The real result, those two soldiers had to repeat the march a third time, failing to make the time, and one ended up quitting altogether.
So, yessir, it’s been beat into us our entire lives and it goes against everything God’s Word teaches us who we’re supposed to be. Have you ever heard the explanation of how Flea Circus owners trained their fleas to perform? I remember as a young man, it was explained that the problem with flea circuses was that the flea, who only lives a few months, had very powerful legs and could jump away from the flea circus. One day an ingenious marketer learned that by placing fleas into a paper bag, and placing a napkin over the bag’s opening, every time a flea attempted to flee its captor, it would hit its head on the napkin and fall back into the bag. After Excedrin headache number 674, the flea became conditioned to only jump so high, to avoid the obstacle and the subsequent headache. After a couple of days, the fleas were released from the bag and placed into the flea circus (some were also restrained by a very thin
metal wire); where they performed until their eventual death without escape.
As humans, we too can become conditioned to sin, as we don’t realize that we have the strength to jump out of Satan’s sinful bag of lies and deception that he is trying to keep us jailed in. Satan takes great delight in ensnaring God’s children through his many devices. He constantly seeks to trap and divert those who belong to God. He knows he can’t snatch us from God’s hand, but he realizes that if he can make our testimony weak and ineffective, then we’ll have very little impact in helping to further God’s kingdom. Want an example; read the story of Job in the Old Testament and look at the lengths he went to try and derail Job’s faith. The tools Satan uses are as old as time, so he’s had plenty of time to perfect them. They are pride, envy, lust, and the promise of pleasure or ease.
It seems to me that we’ve become so focused on ourselves (e.g., look what I have, look at my job title or position, look at my new car, boat, jet ski, and bigger house, etc.) that we’ve forgotten that our job as stewards of God’s blessings in our lives isn’t about what God has blessed us with, but how we use all that He blesses us with to help others. This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t enjoy the fruits of our labor, but that fruit is meant to be shared, not locked away in a barn for our own selfish pleasures.
I see it less here in the country, as we still look out for one another, but I still see people drive by the farmer who has a flat on his truck or trailer. I see people whiz by to get home and eat instead of stopping and spending an hour to rake hay while the farmer follows with the baler so he can get the hay in before it rains the next day. It saddens me, but I recognize that this is people who are so focused on themselves and their wants and desires than they are on sharing a blessing (yes, giving of your time is a blessing) to help others. That, as your article points out so well, is NOT what the America I loved was founded upon. It is less American and more world-focused.
I find myself asking, “What happens when America is no longer America, but looks and acts like almost every place else in the world?” I think we have to look no further than Australia, Canada, and other “formerly democratic” nations who have disarmed its citizenry, taken control of industry and healthcare and education, such that its people have become subjects rather than citizens. The government controls the people instead of the people controlling the government. The same thing is happening here in America my friend, but many are so busy bleeding out that they no longer feel the pain.
How can we reverse this trend? I think the only way is to move back from solely focusing on our desires, wants, and needs and focus on how we can live a life that focuses on helping others. Then we move thankfulness and gratitude from “Thank You, Lord, for all You’ve blessed me with.” to “Thank You, Lord, for helping me to show You to others through my words, actions, and deeds.”
Another thought-provoking post that helps us to move our thoughts from ourselves and how self-important we are to showing others how important God us in our lives by focusing on Him and what He wants rather than what we want. Thank you and God’s blessings my friend. Happy Thanksgiving sir, and my prayers that you and your Ms. Diane are surrounded by the love and laughter of family this holiday.
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So sorry I’m late getting back to you, J.D., but my first reaction is, “Wow, Brother!” I love it when you just open your heart like this and let it pour out the things guys like me need to hear. What an enlightening, insightful, inspiring, convicting, and all around blessing it was to sit here and attempt to absorb all the mental and emotional pictures you painted and then to consider how to apply them and share them with others. Yesterday was crammed stem to stern, and I didn’t get to see your epistle till late last night. and since you were already in bed anyway, I thought I’d wait till this morning to respond. We’ll be heading off to church in a little while, but I’ve already had a sermon that will likely surpass anything I’ll hear later today.
That description you gave of “death by 1K cuts” and what that process actually looks like will stick in my head from now on. I never considered how pain would naturally lose its purpose and give up when the situation passes the point where relief and restoration is no longer possible. That is a powerful and deeply disturbing reality I had never considered, and it grieves me to think of it in the context of the “cuts” being inflicted every day on this country we both love. My heart aches when I see the endless stream of evidence that a staggering number of our people are blinded beyond the point of feeling the blades opening new avenues for the life of our nation to bleed out.
But on the positive side, since I didn’t get to wear the uniform and fight for our freedom like you did (for which I will carry heartfelt gratitude as long as I have life), it was a privilege to have a glimpse of your time in training and it’s a great illustration of how the growing prevalence of narcissism works and the impact it’s having on the generations coming behind us.
Most of all, I appreciate how God has used all those gauntlets you’ve had to run through to mold you into the vessel you’ve become. I’m not a soldier in the way you were, but I know enough to realize that the potential the troops represent can never be realized without the leaders they need to organize, strengthen, encourage, and deploy them. Thanks for doing that in ways that, to us, feel so natural.
Finally, God bless you again for the prayers. Diane and I react to them with the gratitude and gravity they deserve in light of the Power they represent. Happy Thanksgiving, my friend.
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So well said, Ron! We certainly do live in narcissistic times, and the only antidotes are big, heaping helpings of love and gratitude demonstrated to those who suffer from the malady of self-centered thinking. When even a four-year-old recognizes that saying thank-you is an intricate part of social existence, it seems like we’re living in a nation full of babies. May God help us all!
Blessings, and Happy Thanksgiving, my friend!
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Thank you, Martha. You’re always such a blessing, and as we begin this Thanksgiving week, I’m rejoicing in heartfelt gratitude for you and the your unwavering allegiance to God’s Truth and your faithfulness in sharing those special insights He gives you. Diane and I send along our prayer that you and Danny and your children and those delightful grandchildren will have a very blessed Thanksgiving time together.
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