A classmate named Allen was my best friend in the early days of high school, so when we had an early dismissal from class one day, it seemed like the ideal time to invite him to come with me to my grandmother’s house. It was a six or seven block walk from school, but I knew the walk would be compensated with more food than either of us needed. Then she’d never let us leave without some kind of sweet treat to cap it all off. Allen would be impressed.
As it turned out, my grandfather was home that day, too. He was a railroad engineer whose
work schedule was, from my point of view, incomprehensible. When he noticed that I had a companion, his attention was immediately directed toward him, and I knew what would be coming next. Pa had a pattern when it came to meeting any of my friends – and sometimes it sort of irritated me.
Introduction or Interrogation? ~
“This is my friend, Allen,” I said, knowing that this minimal bit of information would never be enough, and that the opening question of Pa’s inevitable interrogation would come next. “Whose boy are you?” would be the first thing out of his mouth. Then he’d want to know what Allen’s father did for a living. Other questions about the family constellation and background would follow as his investigation continued. In those days, I never saw his little ritual as anything more than an embarrassment to be endured.
I often wondered how I would have handled those exchanges that were sometimes awkward and intrusive. What would I say and how would I feel if I was on the receiving end of those same questions? At that point in my life, the whole “father” issue was an unapproachable 
black hole, a mystery that I had no way to solve. My father’s name was all I had, and only that, because my older brother’s name was followed by “Jr.” I didn’t know where my father was, what kind of work he did, whether I would ever get to see him, and for that matter, whether he was living or dead. My mother refused to talk about him, and no one in my family would tell me anything. I thought my grandpa’s keen interest in some other kid’s father was strange when his own grandson would have given anything to be able to answer those questions.
An Adjusted Perspective ~
There was something about my grandfather that I didn’t understand at the time. My assumption that he was disregarding my fatherless status as he questioned my friend missed a vital perspective. Pa didn’t see me as fatherless at all, because in his heart, he had already taken over that territory. Looking back, I know that in his mind, my brother and I were as much his boys as any of his biological sons. For all of my early years, he did everything he could do to fill as much of that empty “father” space in my life as possible. He wanted to know about Allen’s background because he didn’t want his boy to be involved with unsavory characters.
Pa would never have believed that the country he and his sons fought two world wars to defend would ever be subjected to, much less tolerate, the shameless anarchy going on now. He would have considered the hellish scenes that permeate social media posts and daily newscasts to have been beyond the fantasies of the most deranged madmen, and he would have been enraged beyond description at the cowardly response of public officials. And another thing he wouldn’t have imagined was that his simple question to Allen that day would be considered intolerably offensive.
The Unthinkable – Happening Every Day ~
In spite of that, the unthinkable is happening every day, and watching the faux “protestors” and larcenous rioters rampage through streets spreading fear and destruction, makes me think of my grandfather and ponder more than who they are, but “whose” they are. Relationally
speaking, where are they coming from? Where are their parents, especially the fathers? Who taught them that such violent behavior was okay? Who convinced them that it was acceptable to steal, destroy, coerce, and physically maim other people in order to get whatever they want? But perhaps most importantly, what are those of us who declare ourselves to be followers of Jesus supposed to do about it?
Even bringing up the subject of the influence of splintered families and fatherless homes on the riots plaguing our nation will likely be met with a flood of attacks. The chronically offended who roam the denizens of social media will consider it another target for their pretended outrage and regurgitate a flood of leftist talking points. Regardless, I’m convinced that the vast majority of those looting and burning our cities did not come from intact, traditional families. If the truth was ever allowed to be unveiled, we would discover that broken homes, absentee fathers, and spiritual emptiness has a far greater affect on promoting the poisonous hatred infecting our country than the color of anyone’s skin. But it’s clear that truth has been replaced these days by the dictates of the mob with the loudest bullhorns, most money, and largest horde of Twitter/X trolls. In too many places, fear has brought about the sacrifice of everything remotely related to integrity and wisdom, but it’s not a time for us to hide and wait for better days.
A Time for Action ~
Darkness, and all the evil that lurks within it, is the very reason God sent us with the light that can overcome it. It’s time for all of us to take our lamps out from under whatever might have been covering them, and Father’s Day is a good time to do that. Turning back the heartache and devastation of fatherlessness in the physical realm is vital, but turning back the eternal devastation of spiritual Fatherlessness is even more so. We can begin with a return to openly celebrating and promoting fatherhood and God’s definition of “family” all throughout the year. Beyond that, we must proclaim the Good News of Jesus Christ at every opportunity. He is the ultimate solution to the problem of fatherlessness at every level.
My grandfather did all he could to help me overcome the potential impact of growing up 
without a father, but he couldn’t recreate my birth and make me genuinely his son. God is not so limited. He would not be content to simply help us limp along in our relational handicap. He sacrificed His own Son so that through Him, rebellious sinners like me could be born again and made an eternal part of His family. John’s testimony is gloriously clear:
But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. John 1:12-13 (NKJV)
In addition to rejoicing again over our human families and the fathers that we love this Father’s Day, let’s endeavor to do what my grandfather did. Reach out in love to those fatherless people we know, do all we can to help fill that void in their lives, and introduce them to a Father they can never lose. Then, if anyone ever asks, “Whose boy (or girl) are you,” they will always have an answer.
~ H A P P Y F A T H E R ’ S D A Y 2 0 2 4 , G E N T L E M E N ~
“TWEETABLES” ~ Click to tweet and share from the pull quotes below. Each one links directly back to this article through Twitter . . .
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- “Broken homes, absentee fathers, and spiritual emptiness has a far greater affect on promoting the poisonous hatred infecting our country than the color of anyone’s skin.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)
- “Truth has been replaced by dictates of the mob with the loudest bullhorns, most money, and largest horde of Twitter trolls. Darkness, and all the evil that lurks within it, is the very reason God sent us with the light that can overcome it.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)
- “Turning back the heartache and devastation of fatherlessness in the physical realm is vital, but turning back the eternal devastation of spiritual Fatherlessness is even more so.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)
- “It’s time all of us take our lamps out from under whatever might have been covering them. We must proclaim the Good News of Jesus Christ at every opportunity. He is the ultimate solution to the problem of fatherlessness at every level.” @GallaghersPen (Click here to Tweet)
Gallagher's Pen ~ 
I have long thought that this epidemic of fatherlessness coupled with the turning away from Our Father in society at large has created these mindless mobs we see on the rampage today. No matter who our earthly father was or wasn’t, that pales in light of the Abba who can give us everything we could ever want or need. What this world and our nation are longing for is the knowledge, wisdom and discipline only He can give us.
Happy Father’s Day, Ron, and blessings to both Diane and you!
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You are so right in your assessment, as usual, Martha. The devastating impact of fatherlessness in both the physical and spiritual realm is on display nearly every day in the hate-filled, violent, exhibitions of anarchy going on in so many places around the country. In spite of their track record of abject failure to solve any of the problems plaguing us, bloated leftist politicians and self-serving “experts” continue to declare that we just need another Congressional edict, or another government program, or a few thousand more Federal and state bureaucrats, and, of course, another trillion or so of our tax dollars, and it will be “problem solved”. As you and Danny know so well, the root of problems we face isn’t political, it’s spiritual. The war we’re waging can be won, but not with the world’s weapons. May God empower us to push back against the “father of lies” by walking in daily communion with the One who is the embodiment of truth. Thank you for another characteristically encouraging and spiritually uplifting note, and another Happy Father’s Day to you and Danny and your beloved family.
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Such a wonderful, yet sobering, post Mr. Ron. Knowing the grace-filled, love-exploding story of how your grandfather raised you to become the man you are always brings cheers of joy. While I too recognize that God has made you the man you are today, I see the result of the seeds your grand father planted bringing forth fruit throughout your life. Isn’t it funny how we can look back at those moments now with different eyes. We see the love poured into us in ways that we (at least I) never imagined was happening. I think often of how God works like this. We don’t realize it at the time, but everything He leads us to and through is designed to grow, strengthen, and mold us to become more like Him. I so grateful, my friend, that your grand father took the time to instill a value system and sense of morality in you from which God could build upon to mold you into the wonderful husband, father, friend, and man you are today. What an honor it is to call you my friend, even though we’ve not yet met in person. Oh, how I long for that day. Now, back to your truth-filled post.
I thought about those interrogation questions your friends endured. I didn’t have many friends growing up, but as a young boy, I can remember the looks of disdain I received when I had to answer similar questions. While I understood why perhaps, at least in my subconscious, I always wondered why the “sins of the father” was imputed to me. Yet, I carried that stigma with me during those early years. We see that in school too. I had an older half-brother who was, shall we say, not scholarly. That also carried over from teachers who knew him and I had to work extra hard to prove myself to them. Perhaps, these are the reasons I developed such an independent streak; one that God has worked hard to tear down so He could rebuild me in such a way that I felt safe being dependent upon Him. I suppose, if I looked back now and why parents and grandparents interrogated our friends, and us when we were the visitors, it comes down to one reason. L-O-V-E.
As you wrote about how the systematic dismantling of the nuclear family (yes, I wonder why it’s called that, but I reckon it’s because the nucleus of a family should be the father) I found myself cheering as you laid out the TRUTH of the reasons why fatherless, morality-barren, disassociated family values situations of the past few generations is the root cause for much of what is happening now. My adopted dad never once struck me in any form of disciplinary action. While I’ve heard stories of how he did his own sons when they were younger (before he adopted me), I was always taken aback that such discipline never came from him toward me. I reckon it was because I was older and he knew that I’d endured enough of that. I think too that he saw how my respect and admiration had grown toward him that he realized his disappointment in me was a much worse punishment. He was right! The thought of ever disappointing the man who chose to love, care, and guide me into manhood was worse than any physical beating I had endured.
Another important point is the difference between father and dad. While we both had a biological father, another man became our dad. Your dad, was your grand dad. What a wonderful blessing that must’ve been to have had a familial relationship from birth with a man who loved you enough to discipline, guide, provide for, and protect you. I can look back at my life, as I suppose you can yours too, and I recognize the my/our Father in heaven loved us enough to give us earthy dad’s who could lead us look for the Father one day.
As always, your posts give us direction more than leaving us with unanswered questions, although there’s always something that I take away from your masterful writing and words of wisdom that I am compelled to do some “deep thinking” about. I’m ever-grateful for that, by the way. You challenge me to look to become a better self than I am today. Only a true friend can do that. Now, what is that one great nugget of truth that I walk away with from today? It has to be that when we are surrounded by darkness, BE LIGHT! When working with the AWANA kids at our church, the neighbor kids (although not that many here), and in every public forum (stores, libraries, the gas station, etc.), we men (father or not) need to be the example that other young people see. Our words and actions should reflect the upbringing that our Father God has given us and we should always be shining the light of Christ within us into the darkened world around us. We MUST remember that we are no longer OF this world, but we are IN this world for the express purpose of helping people see how things could be when they invite Christ into their lives. We can’t shine His light when we host the darkness of this world in our lives. Such an important truth my friend.
Forgive my pleonastic response, but there was so many good points from your story, I was compelled to share those most important to me from your writing. I realize I’m about three weeks behind in reading and responding to blog posts, but will work to get caught up this weekend. THIS, however, was too good to delay. Thank you for always speaking truth and for leading us to ask the hard questions of ourselves that can make us better men. God’s blessings upon you, Ms. Diane, and your precious family. Know that all y’all remain in our prayers.
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I’m repeatedly intrigued by how often folks use the word “amazing” to describe the most mundane and ordinary things. The fact that some some gal’s choice of lipstick happens to match that cute little thread in her socks can be “amazing.” Then, when something arises where the concept seems to genuinely fit, using the word seems trite. But in spite of that, I’m going to use it anyway. When I consider how many aspects of our lives seem to mesh so well, I just shake my head in amazement. When I consider the friend you’ve become to Diane and me in spite of the fact that we’ve never even shared a cup of coffee, I’m amazed. When I realize how concerned we’ve grown to be about a ranch we’ve never seen, cows we never fed, and dogs we never petted, we’re amazed. So, all that to say that reading your response just reinforces all of that and adds one more thing. It enhances our awareness that God has equipped you with an unusually powerful ability to connect with others through your words and that reinforces our commitment for God to magnify the impact and multiply the fruit of your writing.
It’s fascinating, one might even say “amazing,” how God, who has always had the power and ability to express Himself in any of the many forms of communication that exist, chose words as one of His most enduring ways to impart the contents of His heart to ours. It brings to mind a brief conversation I had really early in my life as a Jesus follower. Someone had asked m to pay a visit to a guy who had a farm not too far from where I grew up. I was told that he really needed Jesus in his life, so I dropped by one day intending to try to share the Gospel with him. I found him in his barn/workshop where he was working on some kind of implement. He hardly looked up as we exchanged a couple of customary greeting comments. He asked me why I was there and I made an effort to express my desire to talk with him about his spiritual life–can’t recall exactly what I said, but I’ll never forget the feeling that hit me when he looked up and said, “Well, I guess some people work for a living and some just run their mouth.”
I don’t know what I said before making an awkward and rather hasty exit, but his comment really hurt. I wondered if that’s what I was doing, avoiding “real” work and just spending as much time as I could just “running my mouth.” In my tearful prayers for some kind of direction for my life and some guidance about whst to do and how to respond to the feelings of being seen as a lazy bum who couldn’t do anything but talk. In the midst of that, God began to lead my mind through a parade of how the world had been shaped and molded by words. Physical actions have come and gone, and they are not without their influence, but the moments pass. The impact of miracles, victories, heroic exploits, heart rending losses, and glorious achievements lives on in the words that illuminate them to eyes that never saw them. The Magna Carta, the Declaration of Independence, the Emancipation Proclamation, our Constitution are documents that exist because there were men who did more than just the “real” work. They “ran their mouths” and reached for quills and inkwells to make those words available to those who weren’t around to hear them. They unveil their hearts, reveal their thoughts, express their hopes, dreams, aspirations, and declarations in words. But the most powerfully significant ideas that have ever existed and the most important words ever spoken came from the mind and heart of One who loved us enough to pay the inconceivable price required to make redemption and eternal life to undeserving, hopeless sinners like me. So, when I pray for your writing, my friend, it isn’t just a request for you to be a more successful author, or to publish more books. It’s a request from my heart for God to empower your words and use them to illuminate the path to Him and the life He offers.
But here I go, rambling again, but what else can a guy do when he’s amazed again at how many ways he’s able to relate to some other guy he’s never personally met? Thanks for doing that again, and may whatever you and your Mrs. Diane do for Father’s Day bless everybody who gets to share it with you, but especially the Father that makes us brothers.
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